Our labor and delivery did not go how they were supposed to go for us. It did not go how I planned. It was no where close to anything I imagined happening.
I had my heart set on a natural birth, envisioning the moment I’d work through labor, pushing with every ounce of strength, feeling that indescribable triumph when our baby boy would finally be placed on my chest. Baby boy and life had other plans, though.
At 32 weeks, we found out our baby was breech. I was worried but hopeful. By 34 weeks, he flipped head down, and I breathed a sigh of relief. He was still head down at our appointment at 38 + 4. I felt reassured, believing we were on track for the birth I had envisioned.
The Flip: An Unexpected Breech Baby at 39 Weeks
During Week 39, everything changed. Baby boy was moving like crazy that Tuesday evening. After a few minutes on the birthing ball, I felt a giant shift. When I stood up, I knew he had moved from my right side to my left side. Everything felt different that night. The next morning, I didn’t feel him as low as he had been. I also wasn’t convinced that it was even his head at the bottom of my belly as it didn’t feel quite as hard.
At our regularly scheduled 39-week OBGYN appointment that Wednesday morning (39 + 4), our midwife shared my suspicions. While doing the Leopold maneuvers, she became suspicious that his head was towards the top of my belly. She tried to perform a pelvic exam, but when the pain was too much for me, she stopped. She brought in an ultrasound tech, and a portable ultrasound. It was confirmed that our baby had flipped breech again.
Losing control of our choices: C-section Talks
My midwife began to talk to us about getting scheduled for a C-Section. After my husband, myself, and my midwife conversed for a while about this, she went to talk to her doctor who happened to be in the office that morning. That doctor asked if she mentioned the possibility of an External Cephalic Version (ECV). She hadn’t because she was concerned about doing one this late in pregnancy, but after her doctor mentioned it, she returned to our exam room for that discussion.
We briefly discussed the possibility of an ECV. We had decided sicnce the hospital would stop if it wasn’t working, we wanted to try this to see if we could get him to flip again. Due to the much lower amount of amniotic fluid at this point in pregnancy, an ECV becomes much more risky at 39 weeks. Once my midwife called the hospital, the on-call doctor at the time was uncomfortable performing this procedure since I was already 39 weeks and 4 days.
The on-call doctor, whom our midwife trusts completely, offered to do my C-section that afternoon. Our other option was to let the hospital schedule it, likely for Friday or Saturday. This second option would require us to just take whatever doctor was on call at the time, but would allow us a couple of days to see if he would flip again on his own. We were not confident that he’d flip again that soon based on how spread out his flips had been. We chose to go ahead and schedule a C-section for that day, given the trust and assurance from our midwife regarding the current on-call doctor’s skill level.
At the end of the day, I knew that what matters most is a healthy baby. We left the OBGYN appointment and went home. I showered using some antiseptic soap that they wanted me to use and we headed back into town 2 hours later to check into the hospital.
Grief and Acceptance: Accepting Birth Plan Changes
I spent that morning grieving the loss of the labor and delivery I had planned. Even though I knew and understood that a C-section could have still been something we had to accept, my birth plan had the interventions I was okay with using and even included what order each would be used prior to potentially reaching the point of needing a C-section. Even though I knew my birth plan may not go how I most wanted it to go, I thought I would have options. I thought I would be able to choose interventions to try, but unfortunately I wasn’t able to do any of that.
I felt a profound sense of loss – losing the opportunity to experience labor, the rush of endorphins, the moment of triumph. I was trying to accept that I had no control over this situation. It was incredibly hard to accept, but I again tried to remind myself that all that mattered was a healthy baby boy. While dealing with my own emotions, I prayed that there would be no more complications that day.
Final Thoughts
We made it to the hospital, where our doula met us outside, and went in to check into the hospital right at noon that day. We would soon meet our son, even if it was not in the way I envisioned.
For any other moms out there who might be facing a similar shift in plans, I want you to know you’re not alone. It’s okay to grieve the loss of your birth plan. It’s okay to feel disappointed, scared, or even angry. I know it can be challenging to accept the change in birth plan, but the ultimate goal is the same for all of us: a healthy baby.
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